In response to a post that I feel was a little harsh against my Mother, this post has been born. Whenever I do or say things in a slightly angry mood, I wonder, is this the truth spilling out? Are all my years of frustrations coming to a head? Or am I mad and conjuring up things that shouldn't be that big of a deal? Or maybe misplacing anger? Very hard distinction to make and sometimes I'm just not sure which is which. Just add it to the plethora of reasons that make up my love for writing. Most of the time when I write, I just write, I go, go, go and just let it flow. THEN I go back and re-read, often times realizing what I wrote doesn't make sense! More often than not, thoughts, feelings, and emotions get swirled around in our good ol heads and the truth of the situation gets lost. Writing helps me gain that clarity back.
Anyway, I feel it needs to be said that I love my Mom, alot. She is not my best friend, but she is so close to me in a way I can't fathom. Perhaps its because I spent the first 9 months of my existence in her womb. Perhaps its because she raised me and cared for me while my Dad was too busy furthering his career. Perhaps it is because her existence made my existence possible. Perhaps its because she has always been there for me. Perhaps its because she is wonderful. Perhaps it is me that is too hard on her, honestly that's a stretch, but I just hope she knows that I love her despite our differences. I have a hard time reaching out to her because it seems whenever I do she assumes I'm up to something and questions my motives, which in turn makes me feel bad about myself-even tho her assumptions are wrong, which makes me not want to do it anymore. So then I stick with that 'forget it' attitude, then I miss her, then the cycle starts all over.....
Does anyone out there have a less than ideal relationship with their Mom? Maybe some tips that have helped you to overcome?
I love Friday nights. 5 days a week the alarm goes off and I am forced to pry myself from Adam's warm arms and into the shower....which leads to work clothes...which leads to work. Hopefully that doesn't come across as negative...I love my job. It's pretty much perfect and I really do enjoy my days. However, snuggling with handsome Adam is pleasureable as well :) Life is good. Margaritas are flowing through my casa tonite, John Mayer and misc. on the radio. Feelin great.
I am grateful for:
Ellie
My health and functioning body
Adam
My mother
LOVE
My huge crazy loving family
Emotions
Possibilities
Margaritas
Money in the bank
My car
Opportunities
Court
Growing up gracious
Smarts
Sexual desires
Nature
Sunshine
A good head of hair
Amongst a million other things...
One of my favorite lessons learned as a child is to STOP and count your blessings. When feelings of negativity creep into my world, it helps me so much to stop and make a list of all the things I have to be thankful for. Sometimes once I get going I find it's hard to stop! What is it that you are most grateful for?
