tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59693303571579278882024-03-13T17:07:35.601-07:00Rachel meets RachelA personal diary of triumphs and struggles, family craziness, love stories, travels, recipes, and more.RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-77363298410713689842021-06-14T06:45:00.001-07:002021-06-14T06:45:45.778-07:00Deck talkJune 2021<div>We somehow decided on a cabin trip since it was around my birthday. I didn't want to go, he probably felt the same. We spent Friday night together, drove up Saturday afternoon and all seemed ok. He made a fantastic dinner that night and Sunday morning was pretty much when everything went awful. We hardly spoke to eachother nothing in particular I dont think, but still very awkward. On the deck he says, let's chat. His words were, we need to discuss what we're doing long term because I don't think this is working for me. On my birthday weekend, which I for some reason, decided to spend with him, its not working for him...ok.</div><div>I truly don't know where in my fantasy head I think that I can have a relationship with this person. Hes shown me time and time again how easily he angers, how he only cares about his side, and how truly selfish he can be. The last few times we've spent time together it hardly is even pleasurable. He seems to avoid me lounging on the couch all day watching sports while I meander around the house. If this is what marriage is, I can say, I don't care for this. I don't believe life should be wasted and unfortunately time spent with him is beginning to feel wasted. There's always a fight, always a chip on the shoulder, never a pleasant attitude. Never trying to understand, always seeking to snap.</div><div>We discussed the fact that I won't 'make up with his mother'. Which I won't even discuss, he just kept saying this isn't working and when I asked why it was so inconvenient for him he said do I really need to spell it out? Can't you put 2 and 2 together?!?! I'm literally just trying to understand him and he's loosing his temper with me. Because we lack the skills to have a basic conversation and seek to understand eachother it just gets heated. He was so upset I couldn't see things from his perspective. How hard this all is on him. Poor him. Not once in that conversation did he ask how this had been on me. </div><div>On the way home we chatted about more. He was upset I wouldn't go over there and get the pie she baked, which I think is just ridiculous. We haven't spoken in one whole year and all of a sudden she does something and I'm suppose to jump? I also find it ridiculous I have to pick it up. Hey I did something great for you, come get it??? Who does that. I put my foot down and said no and the fact that he can't respect that says alot about him. His mom is the one who keeps putting him in the middle. She didn't even tell me about the pie, she told him to tell me! Then he's mad at me he's in the middle, when I didnt even put him there. He sees this as me being mean and stubborn and if I don't want to do something I'm not going to do it. Well, I guess that's somewhat true cuz I'm not doing this. I'm not jumping thru hoops for someone who has treated me like absolute shit for the last year when they all of a sudden say so. And the fact that he wants me to sickens me. </div>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-9604766009464352542020-10-14T14:00:00.002-07:002020-10-14T14:00:50.682-07:00No sleep<p>Poor guy looked horrible when he woke up this morning. Around 11 he crawled out of bed, saying he'd fallen asleep about 5am. We went to the couch and somehow started talking about everything. He said he had too many thoughts going through his head and needed some answers as to what was going on.</p><p>I told him I was working on getting the house list, completing repairs, etc. I'm also working full time, while running a business, meanwhile he currently doesn't have much on his plate so I told him if he was so worried about settling things- he could file and try to get some of those answers he needed. I told him with all I had going on, I simply wasn't in a hurry. We cried....we talked.... He said if I'm going to owe you money for the next 2.5 years I'd like to know how much that will be? I said well, I can't give you those answers, so again, if you want to know, call an attorney and start the process. We discussed again if lawyers were the best route to go and I know in my heart it is. Last time we talked he said that he didn't feel he owed me alimony because I wasn't a good enough wife basically. Emotionally and mentally, I just can't endure those kinds of conversations anymore so I just won't have any part of that. I'm not going to sit by while he decides what he thinks he owes me based on his interpretation of 'how good of a wife I've been.' That's just total bullshit. I'm pretty sure if you ask any ex-husband they'll say their ex-wives don't deserve a dime, which is why there are laws around this sort of thing. It was a pretty civil conversation overall. </p><p>When he started to get sad and angry, as he always does, to try to get back on top-- he lashed out and asked What was going to happen to Stressed Mamas? I said, what do you mean? He said, well you started it while we were married so I own half. I told him cool, the attorneys can deal with that too. Not allowing him to get a rise out of me which is exactly what he wants. I simply can't be cut any lower, which he continues to try to do. Does he really want half of my business? It's fucking ridiculous.</p><p>I just can't.... I can't watch him punch his way out of these corners anymore, it's sad. Just really sad that he just tries and tries to hurt me, I wonder where he learned that...?</p>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-51902765701437627622013-11-13T12:11:00.001-08:002013-11-13T12:11:46.854-08:00Jamaican Jerk Burgers with Orange-Chipotle Mayo<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have made these burgers more times than I can remember and EVERYTIME they get a rave review. Seriously, they are mouth-watering, savory, delicious and sure to be a staple in your BBQ'ing routine. Recipe is courtesy of epicurious.com</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Jamaican-Jerk-Burgers-with-Orange-Chipotle-Mayonnaise-107083">http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Jamaican-Jerk-Burgers-with-Orange-Chipotle-Mayonnaise-107083</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jamaican Jerk Burgers with Orange-Chipotle Mayo</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yields 6 burgers</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ingredients</span></h2>
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<strong class="first" style="display: block; margin-top: 12px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Orange-chipotle mayonnaise</span></strong><ul class="ingredientsList first" style="line-height: 19px; margin: 12px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 cup mayonnaise</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3 tablespoons orange juice</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 tablespoon minced canned chipotle chilies*</span></span></li>
</ul>
<strong style="display: block; margin-top: 30px;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jerk sauce</span></strong><ul class="ingredientsList" style="line-height: 19px; margin: 12px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 bunch green onions, coarsely chopped (about 1 1/2 cups)</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 small habañero chili or 2 medium jalapeño chilies, seeded, chopped</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 garlic clove, peeled</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1/2 cup (packed) golden brown sugar</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1/2 cup vegetable oil</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1/2 cup soy sauce</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 teaspoon ground allspice</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul class="ingredientsList no-header" style="line-height: 19px; margin: 30px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2 pounds ground beef (15% or 20% fat)</span></span></li>
</ul>
<ul class="ingredientsList no-header" style="line-height: 19px; margin: 30px 0px 0px; padding: 0px;">
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6 sesame-seed hamburger buns, toasted</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">1 onion, thinly sliced</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3 tomatoes, sliced</span></span></li>
<li class="ingredient" style="color: #72c336; margin: 12px 0px 12px 18px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #333333;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6 romaine lettuce leaves</span></span></li>
</ul>
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<div class="instructions" id="preparation" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px 24px;">
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<img src="http://content1.tastebook.com/content/photo/thumb/fgVZzKUv13c213839313139313EYCwFEvf_1375257872.jpg" /></div>
<h2 style="font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-transform: lowercase;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">preparation</span></h2>
<div class="instruction" style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For orange-chipotle mayonnaise:</strong><br />Mix all ingredients in small bowl. Season to taste with salt and pepper. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">(FYI- I usually cut this in half and it still makes plenty.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>For jerk sauce:</strong><br />Finely chop first 4 ingredients in processor. Add sugar and next 3 ingredients; process until almost smooth. Season with salt and pepper.</span></div>
<div class="instruction" style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Prepare barbecue (medium-high heat). Set aside 3/4 cup jerk sauce. Shape ground beef into six 1/2- to 3/4-inch-thick patties; place in 13x9x2-inch glass baking dish. Pour 1/2 cup jerk sauce over patties and turn to coat; let stand 20 minutes.</span></div>
<div class="instruction" style="padding: 0px;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sprinkle patties with salt and pepper. Grill to desired doneness, brushing occasionally with remaining jerk sauce, about 4 minutes per side for medium.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Spread mayonnaise over cut surfaces of buns. Place burgers on bottom halves of buns. Top with onion slices, tomato slices, lettuce, and bun tops. Serve, passing reserved 3/4 cup jerk sauce separately.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">* Chipotle chilies canned in a spicy tomato sauce, sometimes called adobo, are available at Latin American markets, specialty foods stores, and some supermarkets.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Goes great with sweet potatoes, salad, beans, potato salad, etc on the side.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #143d70; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 14px;"><b>SERIOUSLY DIVINE!!!!!!!!!</b></span></span></div>
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<br />RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-56674991880200952692013-11-12T12:44:00.002-08:002013-11-13T12:37:35.638-08:00If by playing games you mean UNO, then yes, I play games.I read articles. ALOT. Like, all the time. I love them, and equally such I love the comments- I enjoying reading how people re-acted to what they just read. One thing I read alot about is relationships and the other day an article struck me hard. It was all about how to play games, the right way, in order to keep a man with you. The advice was the typical: don't return a text for 5 hours and a phone call for 2 days, never let him see you without makeup, etc.<br />
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I don't get this. I mean if you want a superficial, broken floorboard, Jenna and Tito type of relationship by all means! Return Tuesday's missed call on Thursday and never let him see you not looking like a fox. I am old-fashioned yes I admit but I do have modern flair, I've known this about me forever and it's not going anywhere so keep in mind that does play into my own article here.<br />
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When Adam and I first started dating it was an interesting process. I never felt we were playing games with eachother, but we were independent people who needed a moment to make sure we were both making a good decision for ourselves. I didn't date other people while Adam and I dated, I think he saw a few casually. I never worried or resorted to taking 5 hours to return his texts because I knew that if he wanted to be with me, he would. And I knew in my mind, what I wanted more than anything was to be with a man who truly wanted to be with me. If that was him, score! If not, tears for days would have poured out of my eyes but I was willing to take that chance to find out if his intentions were true. There were times. Times he made me wonder--but I always had my feet planted firm. When he made me question him I would say things like, "If you act like this I don't feel important to you and that hurts me." I didn't demand he apologize or cower to me, I just stated what I needed from him if he wanted to be with me. To much my pleasure- he would respond with," If you let me see you again I will make it up to you" and other things of that nature.<br />
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BOTTOM LINE. I teased and enticed Adam but never played games with him to where he questioned ME: my integrity, my honesty, or my commitment to him. I never invited him over and had another guy there, and played stupid that I double booked (yes I've known girls who have done that) and newsflash it just makes you look skanky, and like you have a bad memory!!! I just did what I had to do to kept him interested, like kissing him with intense passion before sending him home so that I could study. If I was ever unavailable to him, which I was, it was because of a school, work, friend or family function not because the club had a special on $2 shooters. I respect'd myself, and made sure he did too. <br />
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When we first met, I was 26 and Adam 29. He is a successful, privatized individual and becoming a 'we' was not an overnight task. I had to prove myself to him. Prove that I was loyal, funny, sexy, caring, true and that I had his best interest at mind always. Time has done that for us and our love now has taken me to new heights and taught me things I never knew were possible. He is my best friend and I adore him to the moon and back.<br />
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We are not married, but I hope someday that we are. A love like ours deserves marriage, it screams it! So, I do not know that my way of doing things, aka not playing games works since we can not measure it by the marriage mark but if you consider a loving, respectable, fun, amazing relationship that is filled with great sex and laughs by the dozen a good test of measure, then yes, it works. So, my advice, just drop the games and be your sexy fun self, it's the best way to catch a genuine man. As for Adam and I, we will stick to playing Uno by the fire at night, now THAT is a game we enjoy.<br />
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<br />RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-21287844010216782592013-09-05T15:22:00.000-07:002013-09-05T15:59:17.017-07:00Shit just got REAL.I am 28 years old. According to History I was 18 when I graduated high school. According to Math 28-18=10. So that means I have been out of high school for 10 years. Really?<br />
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My 10 year high school reunion is this weekend and you better believe I have been hit with a rush of emotions, thoughts, memories and more from those awkward teen years.<br />
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I had a weird experience in high school, just plain weird. I can sum my problem up in one sentence but that would make for a pretty dull post. I wasn't teased in high school, I wasn't out casted, in fact, most of my peers were really nice to me despite the fact I struggled inside, my issue was I just didn't love myself and in retrospect I can see people picked up on that. IMHO, my problems stemmed from my struggles with religion and family. I was raised Mormon and the issues that arose from that are a whole different post entirely. My family had some issues, my parents were divorced and we were never taught to focus on loving ourselves. My mom was so unhappy she could only handle the basics, like making sure we had a healthy dinner on the table and our grades were up. My Dad hurt my Mom alot and my Mom felt she did not have the emotional capacity to give me any emotional strength as she was struggling with the same issues herself. Instead, I was made to feel ashamed for all that I wanted and felt. I was constantly beating myself up, wondering how I could be different? I found myself constantly rebelling and in trouble at home. Looking back, it's no wonder I wasn't my Mother's favorite child, but according to my memories, instead of getting talked to and consoled I just got grounded, again probably because she had little available to give.<br />
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No shocker, the minute I hit 18, I moved out and never went back. Completely un-grateful my struggling mother had raised me to the best of her abilities. Most people at this point would hit the pavement full speed, but no, not me, I just got a regular Accounting job and started working. My self-worth was still not there. I was still a scared little girl who had no faith in herself and wanted to be popular in high school and take 2 inches off her waist. What finally shook me from my shell, was dating someone who had zero self-worth. It was so easy for me to see that he wasn't living his life. He was coasting. Scared to make decisions. Scared to fail. And then in true Rachel form, I had a moment. An Oh My Gosh, stop pointing the finger moment. I realized everything that I found 'wrong' with him, was 'wrong' with me and that I was basically being a petty little baby. Talk about getting hung up on the little things. Why didn't I love myself? Why didn't I think I was amazing? I felt like a burden to my parents. My smile isn't perfect. And when I smile that not perfect smile one eye gets smaller than the other. I've always had some pudge around my lower belly. Oh no my parents weren't perfect? My legs are short. My sense of fashion is always once accessory short.<br />
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Truth be told, alot of those issues were my parents, and the other ones are just trivial and lame, and every flaw I highlighted took away from a strength that I did have. I FINALLY woke up and learned to toss that shit to the side, like taking out the trash I let all that go. Maybe I went overboard, maybe not, but I ended that relationship with a quickness. I found inspiring blogs like, <a href="http://www.tinybuddha.com/" target="_blank">www.tinybuddha.com</a> that helped me a TON. I started dancing at concerts, I started doing my hair differently, I wore whatever I wanted, I embraced my body by walking around naked and loving the flaws, I exposed myself to strangers, I let my snort come through in my laugh and I just plain fell in love with myself. Genuinely. Lots of times I look in the mirror and look at my forehead wrinkle, or my teeth that Zoom! can't even whiten and I just smile. I feel so complete (ok, most days!!!) and fulfilled, I just feel that I am who I am and now that I'm not comparing myself to others, I feel so much more uplifted. I fail at times obviously, but I always try to make sure to rise again and make myself the best I can be. This is not something that I did overnight, and not something that is as easy as the fore-mentioned taking out the trash. There were emotional conversations with my Mother, there were drunken nights I went too far, there were setbacks. But ultimately I knew (and still know) that my relationship with myself is the most important one. I know that if I don't take care of myself, I won't be the best partner I can be for my love now, and he deserves the best.<br />
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Life could be worse. Life could be better. My favorite quote that I have lived by since I read it,"Personality starts where comparison ends." Life is not about comparison. We are all our own versions of awesome, and the best favor we can do ourselves and the world is to highlight the best things about ourselves and share them with the world while uplifting others to do the same.<br />
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PS- I'm not going to the reunion. Although I am at terms with my high school years, I feel moving forward is the best way to...well....move forward. Going back seems completely un-necessary. And unlike my past years, I love my life, and myself now.</div>
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<br />RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-60245505216391336232013-09-04T15:46:00.001-07:002013-09-04T15:46:37.496-07:00This is not a parking game, so no, I will not validate you.I have been thinking lately about validation and what it is all about. When I think about my life I always try to think about what I can do to be more like the people I admire. Selfless, happy, humble, non-judgemental, etc. are some of the random attributes I strive to work on. But when is the last time we all tried to be good for the sake of being good to ourselves, not for external validation? I want to point out, external and internal validation are two completly different things. For instance a person who constantly strives to work on their outer appearance but never works on their character would be mostly concerned with external validation. Someone who spent the majority of the time working on their psyche and thoughts vs physical looks would be more into internal validation, as a general statement. So it's no surprise many people are worried about what others think, who saw them do what they just did, and if nobody was around- why couldn't they be? How many times have we been caught in a situation where we didn't want anyone around (maybe in the bathroom!!) and thought man it would be nice to get some privacy right now! How many times have we done something really nice and looked around only to discover that privacy we so craved had been obtained but all at the wrong time. Well, as fate would have it, we can not control who is around us at what times in all given situations. The truth of the matter is, whether positive or negative it doesn't matter who sees what we do because the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. We account to ourselves everyday, not our family or partners but just ourselves. The thought that plagues me is why more people don't do the right thing for the right reason; themselves. <br />
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If this is an area that we are struggling in, here are some thoughts on how to progress with it.<br />
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When acting and making choices ask yourself....<br />
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-Am I being true to myself?<br />
-Am I making daily choices that bring me happiness?<br />
-Do I care what others think?<br />
-If so, why?<br />
-Would I admire my actions in another person?<br />
-Is my motivation correct?<br />
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I am not claiming total innocence here, but I can say I have had it happen to me where I have had something nice done for me and I have expressed a simple thanks! A heartfelt, but simple thanks! Only to receive a text message later saying that the person felt unappreciated and taken advantage of, etc. We, as friends and family, should not do this to eachother. We should give of our resources freely and not expect anything in return.<br />
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I have often heard people say that after they give selflessly of themselves they always feel better about themselves, which sometimes can lead to feelings of guilt. I strongly encourage you to release that guilt. Do you stop wearing makeup because it makes you feel prettier? No. So don't stop being the change you wish to see because you feel uplifted. This feeling is a natural by-product, that you deserve to relish in.<br />
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I challenge you all to consider a recent favor you have done for a friend and stop and think about why you did it..... did you do it because you wanted to feel good about doing it? Did you do it because you wanted the recognition from the friend?<br />
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I encourage us all to do the right thing for self-peace, self-love, internal radiation, and comfort of our souls.RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-56123001135097766972013-06-05T19:21:00.001-07:002013-06-05T19:22:28.140-07:00De-frosting a husband.....A response to a reader's letter <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hi Rachel, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I really like your blog and outlook, and was curious if you could help me with something. I feel like I need to de-frost my husband! By that I mean he is just cold to me, also quiet and distant. We've been married for 15 years and have 2 kids, ages 8 and 10. Any advice for me would be much appreciated.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thanks,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The Lonely Wife</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hi Lonely Wife! First off, I want to clarify, I am not a therapist or even married, but have a passion for love and am more than willing to offer you my humble, novice advice. It's hard to offer advice when you don't personally know a couple but I can generalize, and will do so! I am curious to know how long it has been this way with you and your husband- weeks, months, years? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In general I feel that husbands want to know why their wives are always angry with them and wives want to know why their husbands ignore them. There’s a simple answer to that. Over time</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, marriages </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">fall out of their cycle. For example, the more she nags the more he blames her for whatever the issue might be. The more he blames her for the problem, the more she nags, criticizes and harasses. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle: nagging angry wives match up with cold, blaming, quiet and distant husbands. And so it goes. The connection that you founded your relationship on slowly dissipates. Each blames the other for the pain and neither seems able to break the grid-lock in their relationship.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That part’s simple, describing the problem. What to do about it is another matter. Both men and women fail to understand how sensitive emotionally a man can be. Generally speaking men are not as developed emotionally as most women, so emotional matters can scare him, but only because he has not been given the skills or the practice of managing himself in intense emotional situations. While women were growing up they were learning emotional relationship skills, even mimicking relationships with dolls. Guys on the other hand were out exploring, doing muscular activities, burping, and solving practical problems in physical reality. Few men understand things you can’t see or touch, like emotion, Santa Clause, and their wives feelings. Truly, it can seem as though men and women grew up on different planets.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Something I have learned along my journey is that whatever it is you want more of, you need to give more of. Quite the lesson for me, and I'm still learning. As the baby of 7 kids (I am the only girl, and have 6 older brothers) I was well taken care of. If I wanted something, I asked, and I usually got it. I found quickly in my huge and loving family, if I asked and someone wouldn't do something for me, someone else would so I did not learn to support myself very well. Now as an adult I am learning to backtrack that upbringing, and am realizing I need to take more responsibility for my feeling and my actions, and if I want something I need to learn how to give in order to get it, not just ask, sit back, and expect it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So, enough about me, here are some thoughts for your situation...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Stop complaining and plan instead.</strong> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Rather than complaining to your husband how you never do anything together, step up and schedule a babysitter or nanny and take your husband on a date.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Go to Him.</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you want to be with your husband, be with him where he is. IE: Don't attempt to re-kindle your romance by inviting him to the ballet: epic failure! If he’s watching TV on the couch, sit with him on the couch and watch whatever he’s watching. If he’s in the garage tinkering with his hobby, go to the garage and help tinker with his hobby. Attempt to bring along a little emotional sunshine too, guys dig that. This will show him that your priority is him, not the activity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Take it slow.</strong> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If there’s something important you need to talk about with your hubby, do two things before you start talking: 1. Set a time and place with him to talk about your topic of concern and tell him what your concern is. It is important to tell your husband the topic you wish to discuss, if you leave it open-ended, their minds wander with possibilities and they generally end up flustered and overwhelmed by the time the conversation actually happens. 2. When you begin talking to him, start slowly and avoid his emotional shutdown with your full gunnysack of complaints. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here’s some insight: If your husband cares about you, he wants all your problems fixed. If you continue to complain, he feels inadequate because it means he has not fixed your problems. What he doesn’t understand is that women sometimes just need to talk and whine a bit in the presence of someone they feel safe with and get “it” off their chests. However, when she does that, the man often feels like he’s let her down, otherwise she would be happy and not so “emotional”. Once again, he’ll make an attempt to solve the “problem”, or give up and go cold and quiet because “She is hopeless. I can’t ever please her.” Alot of women just want to be heard, some do prefer the advice in return, the best advice I can give here is to know your partner and fine-tune your actions to their needs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Reach out and touch him.</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When you feel angry, contemptuous, misunderstood, or lonely reach out and touch your husband but say nothing. If he looks surprised as you stand there with your arms around him or your cheek next to his, stay quiet. If he demands to talk about this physical contact or he is worried that something’s up, reassure him by simply saying, “I miss you, just relax and enjoy it."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Remember, based on gender stereotypes (which I have to use since I don't personally know you or your hubby) you have superior emotional skills when compared to your husband. Therefore it’s your responsibility to be careful and gentle with him when in emotional interaction. He can’t take emotional heat like you can so matter of factly. With that in mind, here’s a final tip: <span style="text-decoration: underline;">nagging and criticizing your husband will almost always get you the opposite of what you want.</span> </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Touch is powerful. Remind him of your gentle side, not your angry side.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><strong>Side by side, or head outdoors.</strong> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've heard it frequently said that men have a hard time communicating face-to-face. It has something to do with their innate sports ability, and when you think about it...at any sporting event, when two men are facing off, they are literally doing just that: facing off. They are staring at eachother square in the face, waiting to ball it out and compete. A discussion in a marriage should never feel like that. Instead we as women should strive to create a comfortable place for men to talk about their feelings: perhaps an outdoor deck, or on the co</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">uch. And instead of face-to-face try chatting side by side, it can be very beneficial and help men lower any communication walls they may have. Maybe even pour two glasses of wine, turn on some music, whatever it is that you as a couple enjoy, try and bring that to the table to comfort him. Remember, communicating is more than likely not as easy for him as it is for you. Another hint: alot of men prefer to walk and talk, so head outside, stroll to the park or to a local yogurt shop while you discuss whatever it is you need to.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">So, lonely wife, I hope that helps. I hope that you are able to thaw out a cold and distant husband and maybe save a marriage! Love is worth fighting for, which you obviously know or you wouldn't have reached out. Best of luck to you and the husband!! Keep in touch.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Sincerely,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">Rachel</span></div>
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RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-28451411497198336772013-04-30T08:27:00.001-07:002013-04-30T11:02:54.647-07:00Labor of Love.<br />
Last night while Adam was studying I found myself with a little free time.
Being as he works so hard and deserves nice little treats from time to
time....I decided a foot massage would be really nice. So I set off to get my
supplies. I gathered them up, sat in front of him and began massaging his achy, tired feet.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJhkJu9-hHpe3ziUhUKNIRvPymNJyvzW3OWkksP9BG3-D4CKX3xIThBXqDBc3LIcp3I5czGjVgBDxdpZaa9qLg_O6IDkuibeSy7QUBU75T8vbbbsXquglmj8skO9rKmvdfmrNSQvL6xbz2/s1600/lotion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJhkJu9-hHpe3ziUhUKNIRvPymNJyvzW3OWkksP9BG3-D4CKX3xIThBXqDBc3LIcp3I5czGjVgBDxdpZaa9qLg_O6IDkuibeSy7QUBU75T8vbbbsXquglmj8skO9rKmvdfmrNSQvL6xbz2/s1600/lotion.jpg" height="200" width="155" /></a>Due to his moaning and groaning the entire 30 minutes I was doing this, I'd
say I did a good thing. Afterwards he mentioned that he had never had
anyone do something like that for him and how amazing it felt. Note to
self/others: Do sweet stuff like this for your Man. Men notice love in actions
as they are so physically orientated. Women tend to notice love in verbal forms
but this is how love can be lost in translation. Learn to show your partner
love in a way they can recognize it!!</div>
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I posted a small tutorial below so we can all spread the love!</div>
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RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-79969668493194582742013-04-18T13:29:00.004-07:002013-04-30T15:23:35.035-07:00Why you little ship jumper you!I read a quote the other day that completely inspired me. "The grass isn't always greener on the other side, the grass is greener where you water it."<br />
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How many people are actually willing to work on things instead of just replacing them? How many people ditch any and everything they find currently inconvenient? In a modern day society where people get ticked if their 4G isn't fast enough or their car doesn't go 0-60 in 3 seconds, we learn quickly that waiting is inconvenient. There really is no doubt that the whole 'I want it yesterday' philosophy has been completely assimilated into most peoples everyday lives. Applying this thought to relationships also makes one understand why people can simply shrug when they hear the divorce rate is over 50%. <br />
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If you don't like your job, get a new one. Tired of your car, get a new one. It's resonated everywhere in this cheap, Made in China world we live in. However, I have always believed that what goes on around us can be shut out with the close of a door. What happens in the 'outside world' stays there when we come home at night to our families and close that divider. I believe that people are worth investing in. I believe that you don't just toss things out when they spoil, let's save that philosophy for food- not husbands and wives. I believe in cherishing your partner. I believe in being grateful and humble that your partner has chose to spend their life with you. I believe in relationships, when you get married and start your own family unit that it is just that. Your own family unit. You don't divorce family. I believe in re-building, trust, passion, struggle and longevity. I believe as long as the people in the relationship are good/healthy for each other, they can conquer anything.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1Wd_Is7CZbwSPsLGFkhtD3Qhojt0pV_OL5SsihmMEvVWMFnmGHxIuR29p6G9Ylpy3tgKhSAGtJOIAJRTWVqBLQiIfNJsHtGpZ548i5xfVLH9GI5FxsUkbKBtub1K6efkruXFsjFYd_o7/s1600/divorce.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhl1Wd_Is7CZbwSPsLGFkhtD3Qhojt0pV_OL5SsihmMEvVWMFnmGHxIuR29p6G9Ylpy3tgKhSAGtJOIAJRTWVqBLQiIfNJsHtGpZ548i5xfVLH9GI5FxsUkbKBtub1K6efkruXFsjFYd_o7/s320/divorce.jpg" height="320" width="253" /></a>I am not trying to sound like a girl who caught a high from a Disney fairytale here. I understand there are cases where you can give and give, do everything right and still find yourself at a dead end if there is one person in the relationship that doesn't want to admit to problems or put in effort. But when you consider the connection and intense quality of the intimacy two people in love can share when they've invested years in each other and have numerous memories and timeline highlights, why wouldn't you try to salvage that? As someone who currently just dreams of long-term true love I can just imagine what sweet bliss it is, I imagine it's not even comparable to new love. Sure, new love is amazing. It's whimsical, thrilling, and well, new and that's great! But just as things that are shiny have their appeal, so are things with history and a story. The trick lies in what you and your partner value. My point is this- If you have two healthy people committed to the relationship, and committed to each other- you can make forever a reality despite all the roadblocks we humans face today. Not a mind-numbing new idea, but something worth reminding ourselves of.<br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">And always, always, remember the BEST relationship advice ever: CHOOSE THE RIGHT PERSON.</span><br />
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RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-84934782204270747852013-04-11T09:23:00.000-07:002013-04-11T10:11:10.696-07:00TORN<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trying to
find the emotions, words, and actions to handle certain situations lately has
been challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What has been plaguing
my life with difficulty lately is my relationship with my best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is the greatest, sweetest friend any girl
could ever scale the earth to find and I am so beyond lucky to have her to fill
such an important role in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, lately, I’ve been feeling distant feelings from her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could have absolutely nothing to do with
me, or it could have everything to do with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She is currently going through a serious break-up, she spent 5 years of
her life with someone who ultimately just couldn’t come through in the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After many late night talks and much turmoil,
they decided to move out of their rented home and call it quits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This all took place about 3 or 4 months
ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those last 3-4 months have no doubt
been very hard on her, and coincidentally it’s all happening to her during the
same time when Adam and I have been blossoming, growing, and falling completely
head over heels for eachother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching
Adam and I’s relationship grow has been such a beautiful journey, but that’s a
different post entirely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bottom line, I know deep down she is happy for me, but I know
that she is unhappy and it doesn’t seem she wishes to be surrounded by me and my
in-love-glowing state.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> When we go to lunch and she says how are you? It's hard for me to want to tell her, well, Adam and I told eachother we love eachother for the first time Sunday and it made me so happy I could cry, etc etc. so instead I talk about work, or my Mom and that makes me feel more distant from her. I am in a ridicously happy place in my life and I want to share this with her! However, sharing those things would make me feel completly insensitive to her, so I don't. </span>I try my best to
not talk about the sweet things he does for me around her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try to tone down our amounts of physical
affection around her, but I sometimes can’t help it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know she is hurting, but lots
of times when I ask her if she wants to talk about it she just says she is ok.
And here we come back to the beginning, it’s all so challenging!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know she doesn’t want to watch my love with
Adam grow while her relationship is falling apart but that is what life has
dealt both of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life has not been
easy and it’s not like Adam just walked into my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put forth a lot of effort and made very
difficult, but conscious decisions to put my life in a place where I could fall
in love with someone like him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
want to feel bad for being happy, but I want to be sympathetic to her too!? She
is definitely a priority in my life, she has been a constant for me over the
last 4 years and I love her indefinitely for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just so hard for me, I love Adam so
much, and if things keep progressing the way that they have been, he may be the
last guy I go through the progression of love with. If that does turn out to be
the case (and even if it isn’t) I want to treasure all my moments with Adam, I
don’t want to feel like I have to apologize for my happiness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How do I honor my good life choices and
relish in my relationship with Adam without being insensitive to her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Any thoughts on how these two monumental life moments can be
integrated? Maybe someone has had something similar with pregnancy? What would
you do if you got pregnant and your best friend had been trying for years? How
do you deal with this??!?!?!!</span></div>
RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-88988249576410416552013-04-03T11:58:00.000-07:002013-04-11T09:57:07.689-07:00Tax Season Anyone?In my little slice of life, things have been a little crazy lately. Usually Adam and I are pretty good at being a 'cumulative couple'. By that I mean we meet in the middle and do our best to both contribute to the relationship. But lately it's been just a little nuts since Adam is nearing the end of tax season and as a Senior Accountant he is surely feeling the pressure. It's my job to pick up where he needs and fill in the blanks he can't right now. Something I have no problem doing because <strong>A)</strong> I love him. <strong>B)</strong> I know he would do it for me. Right now my main concern is not keeping things spicy between us or really anything even related to that. At the moment, we are sticking to basics like keeping dinner on the table, getting enough sleep, and not having an emotional meltdown during this really stressful work time. So, in an effort to keep my man happy I made him a coupon today for a free massage. Certainly there are other girlfriends/wives of accountants that need a sweet pick me up for their man, if so, consider your wish granted!<br />
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzMKT9akE8-Tle6PCQIYbyGZiz87fZpjSQ_M72EQ1qEioBwAB5xK9lVQgQZE1CQO0YLUAxCiza_GZaJowVV4rN_OMb-DVevuL_dB0vMlxzM1cMiCQiyLI6XOvDEGnBM5y1qf_S_kUMB5i/s1600/MASSAGE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuzMKT9akE8-Tle6PCQIYbyGZiz87fZpjSQ_M72EQ1qEioBwAB5xK9lVQgQZE1CQO0YLUAxCiza_GZaJowVV4rN_OMb-DVevuL_dB0vMlxzM1cMiCQiyLI6XOvDEGnBM5y1qf_S_kUMB5i/s1600/MASSAGE.jpg" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can be printed, or right click on the photo to save and email to your sweetie!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-64958073869603978712013-03-19T22:04:00.001-07:002013-12-19T15:37:23.106-08:00An update on my pants.<span style="color: #674ea7;">So, in the life of a crazy 28 year old scatter brain, shit happens. Everyday is so consuming, things are always changing and staying on top of stuff is a full-time job in and of itself. Anyways, as I was re-reading through some of my blog posts I realized I never really updated the 'Giddy but Reserved Pants' post.</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">My journey to being a couple with Adam was a little like a back country dirt road. It wasn't paved, clearly marked, or smooth. It was thrilling and a little bumpy, and it was our own. If you've read the previous Pants post you know that I had reservations about the relationship, and was confused by some potential red flags. As it would turn out, the red flags were flags but they were not permanent problems, they were merely road blocks. All during our coming together, I had a feeling about Adam, a sense that he was a little confused but that he was a great person with even better intentions. At times I felt like he had one foot in and one foot out. The thought that he had one foot out clearly troubled me, but the thought of him having one foot in intrigued me at the same time. Adam definitely displayed interest in me, he sent me sweet texts, I knew I was on his mind, and I knew he liked me, I just wasn't sure why the reservations. Men are confusing creatures, and trying to figure out if they really, truly care about us women in the beginning of a relationship can often times be very confusing. I was definitely in that boat with him, but I'm so glad I didn't give up and toss him overboard!!!!</span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Through understanding and communication I learned that Adam had a lot of past 'business relationships' ...and I am quite different from that. I am old-fashioned and one of those 'nice girls'- a true homey homie if you will, a hard combination to understand in modern times. He had entwining relationships from his past that were holding him captive until he knew what was going on with me. I had hesitations in the beginning too, and not wanting to come off too needy I held back as well. Put the two scenarios together and in retrospect those are the feelings that ignited the original post. </span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Fast forward to now....</span><span style="color: #674ea7;">Here we are 4 months after all this dating pre-screening business, stronger than ever and I'm sure nowhere near as strong as we will be someday. Adam told me just the other day that I fill a void that has been in his life for longer than he cares to admit. I often find myself lost in his eyes and dreaming about our future. </span><span style="color: #674ea7;">We actually share an address now, the bachelor pad he use to call home is now in boxes. </span><span style="color: #674ea7;">I don't have the slightest desire to be with anyone else, his companionship completes me. I've always liked Adam a lot, and I realized that with that came unwanted pressures and that I was pushing expectations onto him that he wasn't ready for. I was on one playing field and Adam was on another. Adam had reservations of his own, he was getting to know me, and as a very guarded person he did not understand my intentions or level of sincerity which led him to pull back/come to me at a slower pace.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">I am so grateful that I did not give up on Adam. The purpose of this post is to share with people that often times people holdback/hide their inner selves not because they are jerks or incapable of caring but because they are living, breathing human beings with a past. My hope is that women can be smart in dating, and see the difference in between men who are a waste of time and men who just need a little reassurance. Instead of judging him, I took things slow, had a lot of patience, and communicated my thoughts very clearly because I really liked him and felt the relationship deserved the attention. With a little work, I've got myself a great relationship. Adam and I are definitely 'that couple'. The couple that radiates happiness, respect, and love and it was and will be worth every drop of work that goes into it.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMKlVLSH1FWEFGq69Xq_00nDVvaygJl0k6Aq7JEx4DlqpR5aiOShvTRc8Oujdie1kIUiGMU28dtnkvwIZkwCQFwaU-wBWZ8yLTmHZFCPDG9urERLz6Nc0-OAZc65Nsq4j1lv3KoRj-Me7/s1600/love+trees.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTMKlVLSH1FWEFGq69Xq_00nDVvaygJl0k6Aq7JEx4DlqpR5aiOShvTRc8Oujdie1kIUiGMU28dtnkvwIZkwCQFwaU-wBWZ8yLTmHZFCPDG9urERLz6Nc0-OAZc65Nsq4j1lv3KoRj-Me7/s1600/love+trees.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;">Photo credit: <i>Annie B Art</i></span><br />
<em><span style="color: #674ea7;">Title: Dancing Tree Spirits</span></em><br />
<span style="color: #674ea7;"><i><a href="http://www.annieb-art.co.uk/gallery.htm" target="_blank">http://www.annieb-art.co.uk/gallery.htm</a></i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="color: grey;"></span></span>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-22524962406045963502013-03-07T09:54:00.001-08:002013-03-28T16:06:11.429-07:00I'm imperfect and it's ALL good<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Today I find myself with a renewed love for patience and
communication.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why I
continue to let myself get so worked up for nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I let these thoughts swirl around in my head,
come to conclusions, get upset- for nothing!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes I don’t know what’s going on with Adam, as he tends to be a
bit of a ‘if it’s not broken, don’t fix it type’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know and understand that the only way to
TRULY <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>know what someone is thinking is
to ask them, yet, somehow I have a hard time putting this knowledge into
practice- for reasons I do not fully understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Throughout our 6 month relationship Adam and
I have had plenty of conversations, all of which have been filled with patience
and clarity, and in the end we were both left feeling more connected and better
understood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, why then do I still feel
this hesitation to say the words ‘we need to talk’? Is it uncomfortable at
times?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes. Do I have a problem owning
my feelings? No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, I think I am
a reasonable girl!! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Last night I wanted to talk to Adam about the "little things"
that I felt our relationship could improve on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sort of a hard thing to talk to a man about because I never want someone
to feel like the things they actually do aren’t appreciated. But just because
you do some things well, doesn’t mean you can’t do more, a hard difference to
distinguish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really do care for Adam
so much, and I try my best to show him frequently so that he knows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel that he could do a better job of
reciprocating that. A little difficult when he is definitely a 'man’s man' but
he shocked me in the best way last night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At first when I put the topic on the table he came back with, well I’m a
man babe, and I use to be sentimental in my early 20’s but I kinda lost it, he
continued to say that a lot of guys are this way but that he felt he was
getting feelings of sentiment back through his feelings for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also said that as men get older and move
away from that early/mid 20’s stage, the sentimental, sweet side returns.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">He asked for a specific example of where he had
fallen a little short and I expressed I was upset he didn’t do something a
little more meaningful for me for Vday. I took sexy naked photos for him and
got him a card with a long thoughtful note written in it. And it is important to
note that he did go to a local music store and pick me up some Taylor Swift piano
music which was beyond sweet--BUT what I really wanted was to hear how he felt
about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried my best last night to
communicate that to him but my words for whatever reason were coming out
twisted and odd but he somehow took our thoughts full circle and everything
clicked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said, "When you wrote that
note for me I was touched, and really appreciated it, uh, wow, ok, I just got
it."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My response was simple, I just smiled at him and said,
thanks babe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we furthered the convo
and I told Adam, just because you don’t see the importance of something,
doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, you need to think of my feelings and do
things because I want things done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
said, wow babe, that is such a lost art but I think we should bring it
back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our male parents (Ruben and Bill)
are that way, they do everything for their spouses and vice versa and they are
sweet to make sure the other person’s needs are met. I can definitely tell, and
know from asking, that the past couple relationships Adam had were very
shallow, and as Adam calls them “business relationships”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not at all what I’m looking for, and I know
that sort of relationship is not what he wants either so in this relationship it will be different:
we are learning how to grow and progress with compassion, together. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">I am really glad that I took the time to talk to Adam about my issue. Instead of secretly </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">being disappointed on the inside and harboring feelings of ill will I decided to communicate with him calmly and apparently effectively. Although it may be difficult or challenging in the immediate, I know in my heart this type of behavior is much better for the long term health of our relationship. I have to be real, I can not expect any man to read my mind and know everything I want, that's typical bad girl behavior! It's interesting how women connect loving them to mind reading..can you say MYTH?! My brothers always say," I need a girl who can gently show me the way and help my stupid ass out without putting me down." Right on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"><strong>Simply put: Adam is not perfect, but neither am I and I am
head over heels for his imperfect self.</strong></span> </span></div>
RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-6563887806737887202013-02-11T15:31:00.000-08:002013-03-27T09:12:22.496-07:00Mom. Mommy. Mother. Madre. Maman. However you say it, it all stands for love.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRLhZANAi0yGvWrbn0zKxG1MCZdOIDzik4TI-U94od7p_9uD71g2A-l5IT4NHRPPZbEcg2XLHYCfBblQz8htf0xOIgDR78IAheg51txC2CNfgV2pyxNEm8DeVmOEOgiUZgu4kPDif3emNn/s1600/belly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRLhZANAi0yGvWrbn0zKxG1MCZdOIDzik4TI-U94od7p_9uD71g2A-l5IT4NHRPPZbEcg2XLHYCfBblQz8htf0xOIgDR78IAheg51txC2CNfgV2pyxNEm8DeVmOEOgiUZgu4kPDif3emNn/s320/belly.jpg" height="320" width="273" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia;"><span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia;">In response to a post that I feel was a little harsh against my Mother, this post has been born. Whenever I do or say things in a slightly angry mood, I wonder, is this the truth spilling out? Are all my years of frustrations coming to a head? Or am I mad and conjuring up things that shouldn't be that big of a deal? Or maybe misplacing anger? Very hard distinction to make and sometimes I'm just not sure which is which. Just add it to the plethora of reasons that make up my love for writing. Most of the time when I write, I just write, I go, go, go and just let it flow. THEN I go back and re-read, often times realizing what I wrote doesn't make sense! More often than not, thoughts, feelings, and emotions get swirled around in our good ol heads and the truth of the situation gets lost. Writing helps me gain that clarity back.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia;"><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia;">Anyway, I feel it needs to be said that I love my Mom, alot. She is not my best friend, but she is so close to me in a way I can't fathom. Perhaps its because I spent the first 9 months of my existence in her womb. Perhaps its because she raised me and cared for me while my Dad was too busy furthering his career. Perhaps it is because her existence made my existence possible. Perhaps its because she has always been there for me. Perhaps its because she is wonderful. Perhaps it is me that is too hard on her, honestly that's a stretch, but I just hope she knows that I love her despite our differences. I have a hard time reaching out to her because it seems whenever I do she assumes I'm up to something and questions my motives, which in turn makes me feel bad about myself-even tho her assumptions are wrong, which makes me not want to do it anymore. So then I stick with that 'forget it' attitude, then I miss her, then the cycle starts all over.....</span><br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia;"></span> <br />
<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia;">Does anyone out there have a less than ideal relationship with their Mom? Maybe some tips that have helped you to overcome?</span></span>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-10855104642503141162013-02-08T20:29:00.003-08:002013-03-27T09:12:33.516-07:00.oLe.<span style="color: #6aa84f;">I love Friday nights. 5 days a week the alarm goes off and I am forced to pry myself from Adam's warm arms and into the shower....which leads to work clothes...which leads to work. Hopefully that doesn't come across as negative...I love my job. It's pretty much perfect and I really do enjoy my days. However, snuggling with handsome Adam is pleasureable as well :) Life is good. Margaritas are flowing through my casa tonite, John Mayer and misc. on the radio. Feelin great.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEZOHvabw1EOcuWnKj3k8e069J05LrFiyg2JIlHyd71nLm4T6MsjCL2poet0j6AQwyF25gcIQu9bQyfaPxEvLCVztYxJ2B23BH86sBAs_tzCAOe6wrixjBgMPfXwC1QI_unfFEnABnZN96/s1600/margie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #6aa84f;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEZOHvabw1EOcuWnKj3k8e069J05LrFiyg2JIlHyd71nLm4T6MsjCL2poet0j6AQwyF25gcIQu9bQyfaPxEvLCVztYxJ2B23BH86sBAs_tzCAOe6wrixjBgMPfXwC1QI_unfFEnABnZN96/s1600/margie.jpg" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">I am grateful for:</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Ellie</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">My health and functioning body</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Adam</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">My mother</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">LOVE</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">My huge crazy loving family</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Emotions</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Possibilities</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Margaritas</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Money in the bank</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">My car</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Opportunities</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Court</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Growing up gracious</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Smarts</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Sexual desires</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Nature</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Sunshine</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">A good head of hair</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">Amongst a million other things...</span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #6aa84f;">One of my favorite lessons learned as a child is to STOP and count your blessings. When feelings of negativity creep into my world, it helps me so much to stop and make a list of all the things I have to be thankful for. Sometimes once I get going I find it's hard to stop! What is it that you are most grateful for?</span>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-9635517323065277922013-01-24T19:00:00.000-08:002013-03-27T09:11:43.013-07:00Chicken and Spinach Pasta Bake<span style="color: #a64d79; font-family: Georgia;"><span style="color: brown; font-family: Arial;">
I cook quite a bit! I'm always trying different things, making sure to weed out the bad recipes. This recipe is hands down my favorite so far. AND all my friends love it. AND my boyfriend loves it (who use to be a chef by the way). Try it for yourself, you won't be disappointed!!!! I found this recipe on: <a href="http://www.mamawhatsfordinner.com/" target="_blank">www.mamawhatsfordinner.com</a></span></span><br />
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<b>Ingredients:</b>
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<ul>
<li>8 oz. uncooked rigatoni
<li>1 Tbsp. olive oil
<li>1 cup finely chopped onion
<li>1 (10 oz) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed
<li>3 cups cubed cooked chicken breasts
<li>1 (14.5 oz) can Italian-style diced tomatoes
<li>1 (8 oz) container chive-and-onion cream cheese
<li>1/2 tsp. salt
<li>1/2 tsp. pepper
<li>1 1/2 cups (6 oz) shredded mozzarella
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</ul>
<b>Directions:</b><br />Prepare rigatoni according to package
directions.
<br />
Meanwhile, spread oil on bottom of 11x7 baking dish (I used larger); add
onion in a single layer.
Bake at 375 for 15 minutes or just until tender. Transfer onion to a large
bowl, set aside.
Drain chopped spinach well, pressing between layers of paper towels.
Stir rigatoni, spinach, chicken, and next 4 ingredients into onion in bowl.
Spoon mixture into baking dish, and sprinkle evenly with shredded mozzarella
cheese.
Bake, covered, at 375 for 30 minutes; uncover and bake 15 more minutes or
until bubbly.
<b>Servings:</b> 4 to 6 <br /><b>Time to Prepare:</b> Prep 15 min, Bake 1 hour
<br />
<b>Submitted By:</b> Erin <br /><b>Original Source:</b> Southern Living
</span><br />RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-2980901528442898112012-12-20T15:37:00.002-08:002013-03-27T09:11:55.576-07:00Short and sweet.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; mso-shading-themecolor: background1;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black;">I was
completely inspired the other night after Adam and I had a little bump in the
road. As it would turn out, something he told me wasn't quite true. Dates were
mixed up, whatever, I interpreted the situation as he blatantly lied to me, he
says he mixed up dates. Being as the dates in question were before we even met,
I decided it was best to let this situation go. I was firm about where I stood
on the situation and that I was not interested in dating someone I could not trust.
He agreed, was understanding, and apologetic. I was upset: he reached out to
me, he consoled me, assured me I could trust him in the present and in the
future and in that moment, that was exactly what I needed. After we talked and
hugged, agreed to go back to being a 'happy normal couple' and went about our
evening. At night when our heads hit the pillow I thanked him for having
patience and talking to me without getting upset at me. His response melted my
heart, he said 'Thank you for talking to me and expressing your concerns, also
thank you for not ignoring me any longer.' <--In reference to his 3
un-returned text messages and 2 un-returned phone calls previously that day.
Simple as his response sounds it was beyond touching, it put the whole situation
into perspective for me. As someone who can tend to be semi-selfish in love I
was completely looking at this situation as-- HE LIED TO ME. HE HURT ME, this
is all about ME. I was unable to see anything past that. However, Adam was hurt
by this too, one of his messages throughout the day said 'I hate that you think
I am lying to you.' When we talked at night he said how hard this was for him
because he felt like I was negating all of our good times for one
mis-communication (I can be a bit of a hard ass). I made a bigger deal out of
it then necessary but he allowed it, he allowed me to vent and he listened,
apologized, and calmed me down. My gratitude and feelings for Adam greatly
increased in that moment. Even though this was my issue and mainly my feelings that
were hurt, what a sweet reminder that this situation was hard and hurtful for
him too. </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: black;"><i><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;">So here is my grand thought: </span></i><span style="background: white; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; mso-shading-themecolor: background1;">At all times, we should
all do our best to be smart, yet selfless in love and think about the other
person involved in the situation. We all have our own past, current struggles,
feelings, and experiences and when two people are attempting to come together
one should always remember to be true to themselves and own their issues
however still maintain a kind soul that can allow the other person to be heard
and felt too. Even if you are the person in the wrong, compassion from the
person you wronged is a beautiful thing. Live and learn </span><span style="background: white; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; mso-bidi-font-family: "Angsana New"; mso-shading-themecolor: background1;">♥</span></span></span><span style="color: #cccccc; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-24802349073654971832012-10-29T14:16:00.000-07:002013-03-27T09:12:06.885-07:00Little owl says WHOOOOOOO are you?<span style="color: #bf9000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's like looking in a gray, dirty mirror all the time. It's like playing tug of war with your panache. It's like hating and loving and hating and kinda loving, and then changing your mind again all the time. It's fucking madness.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="color: #bf9000;">
Self-identity is the topic. Playing the blame game is so last season, but I can not escape the challenges that my Mother seems to love to put on my emotional plate. The scenario that stemmed the topic was last night her and Bill stopped by to drop off some chocolate souffles, a must appreciated gesture. However, the new guy I'm seeing, Adam, was there cooking dinner and it took my parents all of 10 minutes to start in with the tattoo questions (he has a half-sleeve), I figured they meant no harm and were just curious, so I didn't make a big deal of it. Next day (today) my Mom text me asking why I was acting so different last night, I said no big deal was just on my period not feeling so great. She continues with, if you say so, sure you weren't drinking.... and other nonsense that resonates through my head. After continued prodding I told her I was slightly bothered that they harassed Adam about his tattoo but that ultimately it was no big deal. Since I said that I have not heard from her. That was 8 hours ago and she still is not speaking to me. I can sum this behavior up numerous ways: childish, ridiculous, offensive, and whatever a good word/term is that basically says I am exhausted of trying with her! We just don't get along, period. She is timid: I am not. She hates communicating: I thrive on it. She dislikes being social: I seek social interactions. She fears new people: I introduce myself to strangers. She lives with trepidation: I work to banish the trepidation she put in my life. She is close minded: I am open. We could not be more polar opposite. Yet she is my Mother, and she wants to be closer to me and I want to be closer to her, in theory. In real life, we are not even friends on Facebook. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="color: #bf9000;">
However, fucked up relationship aside, what haunts me is that our differences leap off the page. She is constantly interjecting her disapproval of my life into my everyday. That holds true with anything that plays out to be different than what she envisioned for me. It kills me that my Mother can't see outside her Mormon bubble/predetermined life for me. She does not prefer people with tattoos, that swear (and yes even hell counts), drink, smoke, dance, live, or do anything different from her norm. Basically anyone who is willing to be ostentatious and put themselves out there she feels uncomfortable with, great guide to introduce people to the world, eh? My whole life my Mom has made me feel like I need to be Mormon, marry in the temple, have 3 kids, or else the sigh of disapproval is there. And I try to see both sides, clearly my Mom feels very strongly about her religion and she is going to want to share with her children and hope that they accept. However, if some kids have not chosen her path, does that give her the right to treat us differently and constantly put down behavior 99% of the world deems appropriate?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /><span style="color: #bf9000;">
I wonder how my life would be so different if I was not constantly made to feel like a failure. If I had a more worldly mother who didn't demean me for normal cravings. Regardless, I am firm believer that we were all raised less than ideally in some form or another and as adults we have the right and resources to work to where we want to be. I always had this ideology that mother and daughter would be inseparable, could talk for hours, share everything, etc. but my Mom and I's relationship is like a gymnast that can't stick the landing. We try to make it work, try to play up the few dim similarities but as we get closer, we fall apart. For me, internally searching for a better way to live and function is a part of daily life. I believe that people should constantly seek to improve, learn, and grow. Reading articles, taking classes, stretching my comfort zones, being involved in 'over-my-head' conversations, new music, scaring myself, is all part of being me. This definitely conflicts with my relationship with my Mom. As I 'get out there' and fall in love with all these new things, it furthers me from the ideal person she thought I would be. Of course she is supportive of education, but not salsa dancing, or an awesome new friend I met while tequila tasting. Becoming an adult has been liberating, and so far, my everyday favorite thing. Coming to the realization that being who I am doesn't jive with having my Mom be my best friend hurts, but sometimes life doesn't always deal us a royal flush. I will not be someone I am not to please her. I owe it to myself to do whatever it is that makes me happy. They say that letting go isn't the end, it's just the beginning. It feels sickly ok to say that I am now ok knowing that I will never be best friends with my Mom. It's just time to face the music, we've been dealt one pair.</span></span>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-85470689070517812752012-10-02T16:50:00.000-07:002013-03-27T09:12:44.585-07:00Giddy, but reserved pants.<span style="color: #ea9999;"><strong>New beginnings are on the horizon. True in many aspects of life but, perhaps due to hormones and horniness there is only one new beginning on the brain right now as I write, his name is Adam. Things with Adam have been good, I don't want to use the word great just yet, and cue entrance of the 'reserved' part of the title here...I don't know what I feel, this is why I write. Throughout grammar, syntax, and wit my life comes together right in front of my eyes most the time. Anyway, guess a backlog would be appropriate right about now. Adam and I met online, exchanged a few emails, then texts, met for coffee, met for drinks, yadi yada now we're dating. It's been about 6 weeks ish? I like him. He is tall, successful, silly, smart, fun, comfortable, understanding, and basically my minds manifestation of a walking dream boat. Last night while he was cooking dinner in his glasses, chatting up a storm, I couldnt help but just smile. He embodies the essence of the whole sophisticated and sexy thing while still being able to relax in a tshirt with me, indulging in our special things, while conversing about world affairs or who cares who's right or wrong? Always what I've dreamed of. Our dates have varied from Michael Jackson tribute concerts to football dates in sweatpants on the couch, to expensive dinners that involve heels and slacks. Explains the giddiness right? However, I feel these reservations, and advice always says to pay attention to the red flags right? But how do you know if the flags you perceive to be 'red' are indeed red flags, there lies the problem. I feel.......ugh.....I feel.....................confused by Adam's intentions. Maybe I am over analyzing, maybe I am being smart to avoid really getting hurt, I have not decided yet, and it really is impossible for me to decide until I know what he is thinking. I feel like I just want time, but every time we kiss I seem to feel pressure from more than just his lips. </strong></span><br />
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><strong></strong></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRd1YlMvf-p63wIb5qaRAaUVUfJJHsdc3bc7YFBxzAHt3HD_JfFu01NyP7ntuzYAUH3nqrs5mnn2vLaGqxxEAlou-qjrlc7q_RFnbCzg5aGK2JkgXqbVv5LtsTEbKt5aL-Hapteef5FLp1/s1600/love33.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: #ea9999;"><strong><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRd1YlMvf-p63wIb5qaRAaUVUfJJHsdc3bc7YFBxzAHt3HD_JfFu01NyP7ntuzYAUH3nqrs5mnn2vLaGqxxEAlou-qjrlc7q_RFnbCzg5aGK2JkgXqbVv5LtsTEbKt5aL-Hapteef5FLp1/s320/love33.jpg" height="276" width="320" /></strong></span></a></div>
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><strong></strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><strong>
Adam does really sweet things--like take me to great dinners/cooks amazing dinners, tells the waiter 'ladies choice' and lets me choose, listens to the small things, but then he will do something completely silly like not notice there are 6 people and 5 chairs and I am the only one standing. If you know me at all, you know I am not a pessimist, and it is not in my style to negate six good actions for one bad one. I am not expecting perfection from a man, if I did I would just throw in the towel now and sign on the dotted line, crazy cat lady fo' life! X__________. However, I am just trying to be smart here and find the middle ground of how do I know he really cares about me/he is a guy and is going to do stupid shit that I need to just let go of. My friend Courtney brings up good points that semi-haunt me: this is the beginning, he is bringing his best behavior to the table, this is as good as it's gonna get...the logical part of me says she is right.</strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #ea9999;"><strong>
The problem is I am fighting against the clock, does it even need to be typed out that the chemistry is radiating between us? Our makeout sessions have progressed from innocent smooches outside saying goodnight to is that his hand on my ass? omg that is so hot. to me on top of him on the couch moaning in his ear. My body wants him so badly and it would appear that vice versa is true but I'm not going to have sex with someone I hardly know, it's too risky when you like someone. If I had no feelings for Adam the neighbors probably would have called the police for a noise violation last night, but we are past that point of sex buddies yet not ready for committed sex. I just don't feel we know enough about eachother. And I know that it's easy for guys to leave girls at any point when they find out something they don't like, but women being more attachment prone, damn all that oxytocin, have a harder time saying "Peace" once sex is involved. Sounds like I need to stop smoochin and start chattin with him...Stay tuned....</strong></span>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-60495523103825302622012-09-11T13:04:00.001-07:002013-03-27T09:13:18.698-07:00Man, you're legit.<span style="color: black; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last night, while sitting on the deck after just having said good night to an extremely handsome man (ooo, so hard to do) I was overcome with a thought. It's a simple idea, yet put into certain context reminded me what this journey is all about. I thought to myself, Everywhere you turn the same advice is resonated and people are told *MARRIAGE IS WORK* and anyone who has a successful one will attest to this, BUT, if you like your partner, similar to how some people like their job, what's the big deal if you gotta do a little work here and there? Liking your partner is a HUGE piece of the love puzzle that I think so many people overlook; instead qualities like physical appearance, careers, sensitivity, hobbies, etc get more spotlight time but when you really think about it...having respect, being able to smile and not sigh towards your partner, and just truly enjoying their personality will make the ultimate difference. It seems to me when someone does not like their job there are plenty of obvious physical manifestations, you see them moaning and groaning before, after, and during the work day however, the people who are blessed with a job they enjoy are complete opposites....they eagerly talk about work, anticipate it, and even work late sometimes just for the joy of it. So, is this the magic secret to actually enjoying the work that is essential for a marriage? To like your job? Aka like your husband/wife? </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigvjrMDeW29SwAt2forMRSGXf0JnaJPJOfjHcv3p9kEDKlMnYumrOpME26yBiWfygmXgaH6LCxYuWDgwafVhId4cx4cZjFN5WRcmOHDrnCBdN8L8P_AlF6_YDf0c-lYZHw3FjVKpRylmI2/s1600/radam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigvjrMDeW29SwAt2forMRSGXf0JnaJPJOfjHcv3p9kEDKlMnYumrOpME26yBiWfygmXgaH6LCxYuWDgwafVhId4cx4cZjFN5WRcmOHDrnCBdN8L8P_AlF6_YDf0c-lYZHw3FjVKpRylmI2/s400/radam.jpg" height="400" width="248" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">After having been through trials, health struggles, job loss or whatever life throws at you, if you can look at your significant other with a loving light in your eyes, then damn, you've got it! It's saddening to me how life can bring two wonderful people apart and through varying experiences we allow life to wedge us apart instead of utilizing those trials to bring us closer together. In a relationship, two people must put eachother first and pledge to care for that persons needs or else things will get messy. To bring it back around full circle, in my humble opinion, a healthy relationship is only possible if you truly have a sincere desire in your heart for that persons well-being, a desire not fueled by sexual or any other sort of physical craving (although that lusty feeling is very important too!!!), but simply a loving, friendly compassionate feeling towards that person, aka LIKE THEM!</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I'm on a mission to figure it out... In the meantime please leave your thoughts on like and love below!</span>RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-37550347171836988632012-07-01T10:57:00.000-07:002013-03-27T09:13:29.402-07:0050 Shades of Pissed.<span style="color: #741b47;">My heart is racing, my teeth are unbrushed. I am laying in bed after ditching class, wait what, it was cancelled anyways? Yes! But I digress, as I am laying in bed this morning I am mad. Not furious or blood boiling mad, just pissed. For anyone reading that is not in the loop, I went through a break-up about a few months ago and I don't know if this is a part of the grieving stage or what but today's emotion of the day is: pissed. And I have arrived, full fledged. Although I'd never do anything as drastic as the photo entails, I'm still pissed in my own way!</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">
I was extremely close to pushing send on an email to the ex, then thought, hahahaha, no you crazy, we live in 2012, we blog about stuff now. And in a much wiser state of mind, I am doing just that. Because pushing send on an email would just force him to respond and that is the last thing I want.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">
So, why am I mad? Here is why.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">
I am mad because he lied to me about really trivial shit.</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">I am still mad that he told {insert BFF's name here} something extremely top secret that I asked him not to tell anyone. Then again, lied to me about telling him. Funny how text messages don't lie though.</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">I am mad that he forwarded our private emails to some girl name Alysha, then again, blatantly lied about it.</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">Sidenote: People do realize white lies count as lies right? </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">I am mad that he didn't call and/or show up to work for my parents, TWICE, when they have been nothing but good to him.</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">I am mad that he pulled his stupid truck that I HATE in my driveway yesterday. Pushing that bitch off a cliff would give me so much satisfaction you have no idea...</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">I am mad I gave him 2 years of my life for nothing.</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">I am mad that he couldn't communicate or share anything about himself with me the whole time we dated.</span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">I am mad at myself for loving him.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">
Wait, WHAT?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #741b47;">
Often times people say anger gets misplaced, maybe I am mad at myself... I should have called this relationship off so much sooner than I did. But, I loved his mother, and his smile, and his warm arms that were always there for me. I was wrapped up in love, which he had plenty to give. He showered me with praise, yet harbored so many personal issues. I was not being nurtured the way a companion should be. Although he had a heart of gold, he was lacking in some major areas. Hard lesson to learn. When you are surrounded by all these stories of women being abused in one form or another, settling seems to become more and more prevalent. Times are changing, dating patterns are changing so naturally peoples expectations change too. But, lesson learned, just because a man is ridiculously nice to you, doesn't mean you to have to accept that and stay with him. Love should feel completely fulfilling, and with Ryan- we were so close yet so far. Hopefully next time, I find myself smarter in love...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47;">
Rach </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47;"></span><br />RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-66703171745234671692012-04-11T15:37:00.000-07:002013-03-27T09:13:47.486-07:00In true fashion...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Life has hit me lately. Life has hit me, beat me up, and spit me out, leaving me feeling alone and confused. Ending a 2 year relationship is like loosing your right hand, when you are right handed. My mom had a rule her second time around- "Never date a man for more than one year, everything you need to know to make a decision about marriage will come in that time." However, in true Rachel fashion, I did not listen. Life has a way of inserting us into its vortex and confusing our day to day thoughts with its overwhelming presence. Days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to seasons, seasons to years and next thing you know you have been with your partner for way too long and you're in this confusing place of what are we doing? What is keeping us together? Who are we as a couple? As individuals? And pretty sure this thought has crossed your mind," I may as well stay with him since we have so much time invested..." and next thing ya know you are left with this person sleeping next to you that you pretty much just want to push out of the bed just to see what happens. At least I did which made me realize that I did not want to marry the person who I was currently sharing my life with. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A haunting memory eats at me, it was appx a year and a half ago, a rainy cold night after having sex with him, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because I knew this was not the man for me, I wanted so much more. But he gave me so many things which made me believe something was wrong with me. Everyone wanted me to love him, everyone said he is so nice, so kind, he loves you so much. And while I admit those are admirable qualities, I was not in it. I smiled with hesitation, I sighed alot, and I felt like we were lacking, and that everything was a struggle. We rarely spent time together; instead I found myself distracted with the company of my friends trying to fill the void he was creating. {Insert quote about love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's probably shit}, although gross, and I admit it's weird to compare poo to love, you can't deny the truth behind it. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Finally, what broke me down and shook me out of my shell was photos. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Photos of my friends with their husbands, kids, and intensely happy lives. The imagery of the photos spoke volumes. He and I were making the same cheeser smiles in our rentals while their kids were going from newborn, to crawling, to walking, to becoming these gorgeous beings with personalities and there was no denying the progression of time going on around me. None of this half ass living together for multiple years and nothing comes of it, no more sighs and settling and pretending to be happy with the mediocre life I had created. I saw my friends getting married, moving, buying homes, really getting out there and I realized, what was I doing? Besides taking care of a dog, working part time, cooking, going to school, and scraping by on the boyfriend paychecks what was filling my life with satisfaction? Seems rude right? I had a guy who did everything for me, completely devoted, and I was about as interested in him as I was in gaining 20 pounds. The point is sometimes we can't control what we feel, we want to change our own minds, but something greater inside us tells us that we can't. I often wonder why he was so devoted to me? And I don't believe it was for the right reasons. I think it was because he was setting his sights short, and he too was caught up in our small town life. We had a rented roof over our heads, enough money in the bank to fill up a gas tank or buy some groceries, dinner on the table and he was happy. He was simple, and settled rather easily, which is why he probably never asked me to marry him in 2+ years together. I was and remain complex, or at least a more complicated version than he. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have read articles and heard stories about giving up the notion of a perfect marriage. So mentally I did understand (or attempt to understand) that I could not expect certain things of him, and I struggled with that alot. Clearly he wasn't perfect, nobody will be, but he had all the xyz qualities I mentioned before so why couldn't I marry him and accept him? All I can say, is I just didn't feel it. Even tho I didn't expect a perfect partner, I did expect him to be perfect for me. Although my heart knew he was good and pure, my head said nope, or maybe it was the other way around...my head wanted me to love him but my heart said no. I'm not sure which was which but I knew the two biggest deciders in my love life were in contention and that I could not deny. You can not fight with intuition. I wanted to love him, I really, really wanted to love him. I felt I tried very hard because he loved me unconditionally, and after finally finding that acceptance after so long of craving it made it even harder to let go of. Letting him go was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. We were so close, so close to being that happy, silly family unit I desired so badly. However, the one thing missing was that he was completely unable to be silly, or let go, or take a photo with anything but his usual akward smile. He had qualities, good ones, that I loved so much and that any lady would be lucky to find in a mate. But, at the end of the day I had to take my own advice and acknowledge that good decisions will never be easy. And looking back on my old life, even though my heart aches and I sometimes cry when I'm doing something ridiculous like putting away dishes, I know it will fade and it will be replaced by something stronger and more true. Everytime we fall, not only do we rise up again, but we rise up stronger, smarter, and more courageous. I need a moment, a second to mentally document and thank him for his love and devotion because without it I would feel heartless. I think of all the moving, trips to the store, unpacking, projects and random things that he did for me, he really was a good man. But when the time of mourning has passed, I will be happier. I can't wait for someone to come into my life that is perfectly flawed, but that can make me laugh and roll with the punches. Someone who will pick our babies up and swirl them through the air while lighting them up with his smile. Someone who gives me butterflies, that can also be loyal and possess the good qualities I had before. I'm scared, scared that "all the good ones are taken". After all I am not starting this off at the greatest age. But I know that it is not impossible and it will happen for me if I prepare myself for it. I will end with this, I believe it is an Irish proverb,</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"When you come to the edge of all that you know you must believe in one of two things; Either there will be earth on which to stand or y</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ou will be given wings to fly"</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can't wait for my wings.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Photo credit: Tyler Shields <a href="http://www.tylershields.com/" target="_blank">www.tylershields.com</a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">XOXO,</span></div>
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<span style="color: #20124d; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rach</span></div>
RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5969330357157927888.post-14578354792215267742012-04-09T11:21:00.000-07:002013-03-27T09:13:55.358-07:00Basics.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-hAkjvne38cm2cxlcBK4vKpXIquyoXWiM3x7hf7Tk7ME2EFsWYz0drvKRqsU1H5QFPPP4c28N9V6_rfvuhRsj2ViEEllrEydkNGanpP7qRi9_CUiMKIdAbXA19QqMxqQVdI3b_A__m3D6/s1600/we+go.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-hAkjvne38cm2cxlcBK4vKpXIquyoXWiM3x7hf7Tk7ME2EFsWYz0drvKRqsU1H5QFPPP4c28N9V6_rfvuhRsj2ViEEllrEydkNGanpP7qRi9_CUiMKIdAbXA19QqMxqQVdI3b_A__m3D6/s1600/we+go.jpg" /></a>I inevitably will tear up/cry through this whole thing, don't know why, if that's a good thing or bad but none-the-less HERE WE GO!!! I feel I should start with a precursor as to what brings me here. My brother Matt who I love so dearly, just blogged a day in his life that I have been trying to catch up with him about. Since I am still waiting for him to return my phone call (ahem, Matty)..... I ended up reading his blog in the meantime and realized how nice it was to gain that insight into his mind. While he was just simply documenting the events of his day, I learned a little piece about his mind that makes up who he is, and in turn felt closer to him, and I love that. That sparked a long overlooked passion within myself for writing, growing, and sharing. How could I have forgotten the clarity and wisdom derived from writing? Silly me, but regardless, I couldn't be happier to be back in the writers' seat sharing my craziness with everyone. <br />
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I am hoping through this blog we can all share together our thoughts, family issues, weight struggles, recipes, love stories, personal growth, etc. I sincerely hope this blog finds everyone well and that you can benefit from reading it as much as I do writing it!<br />
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Please comment, share, do whatever you gotta do to spread the love. RachelEmmahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05595047597417932185noreply@blogger.com0