This is challenging.
Trying to
find the emotions, words, and actions to handle certain situations lately has
been challenging. What has been plaguing
my life with difficulty lately is my relationship with my best friend. She is the greatest, sweetest friend any girl
could ever scale the earth to find and I am so beyond lucky to have her to fill
such an important role in my life.
However, lately, I’ve been feeling distant feelings from her. It could have absolutely nothing to do with
me, or it could have everything to do with me.
She is currently going through a serious break-up, she spent 5 years of
her life with someone who ultimately just couldn’t come through in the end. After many late night talks and much turmoil,
they decided to move out of their rented home and call it quits. This all took place about 3 or 4 months
ago. Those last 3-4 months have no doubt
been very hard on her, and coincidentally it’s all happening to her during the
same time when Adam and I have been blossoming, growing, and falling completely
head over heels for eachother. Watching
Adam and I’s relationship grow has been such a beautiful journey, but that’s a
different post entirely.
Bottom line, I know deep down she is happy for me, but I know
that she is unhappy and it doesn’t seem she wishes to be surrounded by me and my
in-love-glowing state. When we go to lunch and she says how are you? It's hard for me to want to tell her, well, Adam and I told eachother we love eachother for the first time Sunday and it made me so happy I could cry, etc etc. so instead I talk about work, or my Mom and that makes me feel more distant from her. I am in a ridicously happy place in my life and I want to share this with her! However, sharing those things would make me feel completly insensitive to her, so I don't. I try my best to
not talk about the sweet things he does for me around her. I try to tone down our amounts of physical
affection around her, but I sometimes can’t help it. I know she is hurting, but lots
of times when I ask her if she wants to talk about it she just says she is ok.
And here we come back to the beginning, it’s all so challenging! I know she doesn’t want to watch my love with
Adam grow while her relationship is falling apart but that is what life has
dealt both of us. My life has not been
easy and it’s not like Adam just walked into my life. I put forth a lot of effort and made very
difficult, but conscious decisions to put my life in a place where I could fall
in love with someone like him. I don’t
want to feel bad for being happy, but I want to be sympathetic to her too!? She
is definitely a priority in my life, she has been a constant for me over the
last 4 years and I love her indefinitely for that. It’s just so hard for me, I love Adam so
much, and if things keep progressing the way that they have been, he may be the
last guy I go through the progression of love with. If that does turn out to be
the case (and even if it isn’t) I want to treasure all my moments with Adam, I
don’t want to feel like I have to apologize for my happiness. How do I honor my good life choices and
relish in my relationship with Adam without being insensitive to her?
Any thoughts on how these two monumental life moments can be
integrated? Maybe someone has had something similar with pregnancy? What would
you do if you got pregnant and your best friend had been trying for years? How
do you deal with this??!?!?!!
Rachel, This situation is a tender one. First of all it is difficult to watch a special friend go through any hard times. We always want the very best for the ones we love and feel especially close to. Your friend will feel a lot of different emotions, at this time ,no matter what your circumstances are. You are a very wonderful lady Rachel. You are very thoughtful and kind. I am sure your friend knows this about you too. I went through a situation with my best friend that was very sad and I didnt know what to do either. My friend lost her only child,her son, to an accident. I hurt so deeply for her that I didnt know how to express myself to her. I just held on to her and told her I loved her and that I was there for her anytime she needed me.
ReplyDeleteAs time went on she became a little distant towards me. I wasnt sure what was wrong. I was afraid to talk to much about the accident or her son for fear that she would feel worse or that I would say the wrong thing to her and upset her even more. She finally asked me why I didnt talk about her son anymore or talk about the things that we used to do with him. She said she felt as though I had forgottan about him. I told her that I didnt want to make her cry or upset her. She then said.... I want people to remember him and I want to talk about him. So from then on we talked a lot about her son. It made her feel like he was still part of her life.
I realize that this situation is very different.. I guess my point is that sometimes we tend to protect the ones we love from pain by being to careful about what we say or dont say, or what we do and dont do. I dont know... just a thought.