Wednesday, September 4, 2013

This is not a parking game, so no, I will not validate you.

I have been thinking lately about validation and what it is all about.  When I think about my life I always try to think about what I can do to be more like the people I admire.  Selfless, happy, humble, non-judgemental, etc. are some of the random attributes I strive to work on.  But when is the last time we all tried to be good for the sake of being good to ourselves, not for external validation?  I want to point out, external and internal validation are two completly different things.  For instance a person who constantly strives to work on their outer appearance but never works on their character would be mostly concerned with external validation.  Someone who spent the majority of the time working on their psyche and thoughts vs physical looks would be more into internal validation, as a general statement. So it's no surprise many people are worried about what others think, who saw them do what they just did, and if nobody was around- why couldn't they be? How many times have we been caught in a situation where we didn't want anyone around (maybe in the bathroom!!) and thought man it would be nice to get some privacy right now! How many times have we done something really nice and looked around only to discover that privacy we so craved had been obtained but all at the wrong time.  Well, as fate would have it, we can not control who is around us at what times in all given situations. The truth of the matter is, whether positive or negative it doesn't matter who sees what we do because the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. We account to ourselves everyday, not our family or partners but just ourselves. The thought that plagues me is why more people don't do the right thing for the right reason; themselves. 

If this is an area that we are struggling in, here are some thoughts on how to progress with it.

When acting and making choices ask yourself....

-Am I being true to myself?
-Am I making daily choices that bring me happiness?
-Do I care what others think?
-If so, why?
-Would I admire my actions in another person?
-Is my motivation correct?

I am not claiming total innocence here, but I can say I have had it happen to me where I have had something nice done for me and I have expressed a simple thanks!  A heartfelt, but simple thanks! Only to receive a text message later saying that the person felt unappreciated and taken advantage of, etc.  We, as friends and family, should not do this to eachother.  We should give of our resources freely and not expect anything in return.

I have often heard people say that after they give selflessly of themselves they always feel better about themselves, which sometimes can lead to feelings of guilt.  I strongly encourage you to release that guilt.  Do you stop wearing makeup because it makes you feel prettier? No. So don't stop being the change you wish to see because you feel uplifted. This feeling is a natural by-product, that you deserve to relish in.

I challenge you all to consider a recent favor you have done for a friend and stop and think about why you did it..... did you do it because you wanted to feel good about doing it? Did you do it because you wanted the recognition from the friend?

I encourage us all to do the right thing for self-peace, self-love, internal radiation, and comfort of our souls.

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