So, in the life of a crazy 28 year old scatter brain, shit happens. Everyday is so consuming, things are always changing and staying on top of stuff is a full-time job in and of itself. Anyways, as I was re-reading through some of my blog posts I realized I never really updated the 'Giddy but Reserved Pants' post.
My journey to being a couple with Adam was a little like a back country dirt road. It wasn't paved, clearly marked, or smooth. It was thrilling and a little bumpy, and it was our own. If you've read the previous Pants post you know that I had reservations about the relationship, and was confused by some potential red flags. As it would turn out, the red flags were flags but they were not permanent problems, they were merely road blocks. All during our coming together, I had a feeling about Adam, a sense that he was a little confused but that he was a great person with even better intentions. At times I felt like he had one foot in and one foot out. The thought that he had one foot out clearly troubled me, but the thought of him having one foot in intrigued me at the same time. Adam definitely displayed interest in me, he sent me sweet texts, I knew I was on his mind, and I knew he liked me, I just wasn't sure why the reservations. Men are confusing creatures, and trying to figure out if they really, truly care about us women in the beginning of a relationship can often times be very confusing. I was definitely in that boat with him, but I'm so glad I didn't give up and toss him overboard!!!!
Through understanding and communication I learned that Adam had a lot of past 'business relationships' ...and I am quite different from that. I am old-fashioned and one of those 'nice girls'- a true homey homie if you will, a hard combination to understand in modern times. He had entwining relationships from his past that were holding him captive until he knew what was going on with me. I had hesitations in the beginning too, and not wanting to come off too needy I held back as well. Put the two scenarios together and in retrospect those are the feelings that ignited the original post.
Fast forward to now....Here we are 4 months after all this dating pre-screening business, stronger than ever and I'm sure nowhere near as strong as we will be someday. Adam told me just the other day that I fill a void that has been in his life for longer than he cares to admit. I often find myself lost in his eyes and dreaming about our future. We actually share an address now, the bachelor pad he use to call home is now in boxes. I don't have the slightest desire to be with anyone else, his companionship completes me. I've always liked Adam a lot, and I realized that with that came unwanted pressures and that I was pushing expectations onto him that he wasn't ready for. I was on one playing field and Adam was on another. Adam had reservations of his own, he was getting to know me, and as a very guarded person he did not understand my intentions or level of sincerity which led him to pull back/come to me at a slower pace.
I am so grateful that I did not give up on Adam. The purpose of this post is to share with people that often times people holdback/hide their inner selves not because they are jerks or incapable of caring but because they are living, breathing human beings with a past. My hope is that women can be smart in dating, and see the difference in between men who are a waste of time and men who just need a little reassurance. Instead of judging him, I took things slow, had a lot of patience, and communicated my thoughts very clearly because I really liked him and felt the relationship deserved the attention. With a little work, I've got myself a great relationship. Adam and I are definitely 'that couple'. The couple that radiates happiness, respect, and love and it was and will be worth every drop of work that goes into it.
Photo credit: Annie B Art
Title: Dancing Tree Spirits