Thursday, March 7, 2013

I'm imperfect and it's ALL good

Today I find myself with a renewed love for patience and communication.  I don’t know why I continue to let myself get so worked up for nothing.  I let these thoughts swirl around in my head, come to conclusions, get upset- for nothing! Sometimes I don’t know what’s going on with Adam, as he tends to be a bit of a ‘if it’s not broken, don’t fix it type’.  I know and understand that the only way to TRULY  know what someone is thinking is to ask them, yet, somehow I have a hard time putting this knowledge into practice- for reasons I do not fully understand.  Throughout our 6 month relationship Adam and I have had plenty of conversations, all of which have been filled with patience and clarity, and in the end we were both left feeling more connected and better understood.  So, why then do I still feel this hesitation to say the words ‘we need to talk’? Is it uncomfortable at times?  Yes. Do I have a problem owning my feelings? No.  After all, I think I am a reasonable girl!!

Last night I wanted to talk to Adam about the "little things" that I felt our relationship could improve on.  Sort of a hard thing to talk to a man about because I never want someone to feel like the things they actually do aren’t appreciated. But just because you do some things well, doesn’t mean you can’t do more, a hard difference to distinguish.  I really do care for Adam so much, and I try my best to show him frequently so that he knows.  I feel that he could do a better job of reciprocating that. A little difficult when he is definitely a 'man’s man' but he shocked me in the best way last night.  At first when I put the topic on the table he came back with, well I’m a man babe, and I use to be sentimental in my early 20’s but I kinda lost it, he continued to say that a lot of guys are this way but that he felt he was getting feelings of sentiment back through his feelings for me.  He also said that as men get older and move away from that early/mid 20’s stage, the sentimental, sweet side returns. 

He asked for a specific example of where he had fallen a little short and I expressed I was upset he didn’t do something a little more meaningful for me for Vday. I took sexy naked photos for him and got him a card with a long thoughtful note written in it. And it is important to note that he did go to a local music store and pick me up some Taylor Swift piano music which was beyond sweet--BUT what I really wanted was to hear how he felt about me.  I tried my best last night to communicate that to him but my words for whatever reason were coming out twisted and odd but he somehow took our thoughts full circle and everything clicked.  He said, "When you wrote that note for me I was touched, and really appreciated it, uh, wow, ok, I just got it."  My response was simple, I just smiled at him and said, thanks babe.  Then we furthered the convo and I told Adam, just because you don’t see the importance of something, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, you need to think of my feelings and do things because I want things done.  He said, wow babe, that is such a lost art but I think we should bring it back.  Our male parents (Ruben and Bill) are that way, they do everything for their spouses and vice versa and they are sweet to make sure the other person’s needs are met. I can definitely tell, and know from asking, that the past couple relationships Adam had were very shallow, and as Adam calls them “business relationships”.  Not at all what I’m looking for, and I know that sort of relationship is not what he wants either so in this relationship it will be different: we are learning how to grow and progress with compassion, together.

I am really glad that I took the time to talk to Adam about my issue.  Instead of secretly being disappointed on the inside and harboring feelings of ill will I decided to communicate with him calmly and apparently effectively.  Although it may be difficult or challenging in the immediate, I know in my heart this type of behavior is much better for the long term health of our relationship. I have to be real, I can not expect any man to read my mind and know everything I want, that's typical bad girl behavior! It's interesting how women connect loving them to mind reading..can you say MYTH?! My brothers always say," I need a girl who can gently show me the way and help my stupid ass out without putting me down." Right on.

Simply put: Adam is not perfect, but neither am I and I am head over heels for his imperfect self.

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