Monday, February 11, 2013

Mom. Mommy. Mother. Madre. Maman. However you say it, it all stands for love.

In response to a post that I feel was a little harsh against my Mother, this post has been born. Whenever I do or say things in a slightly angry mood, I wonder, is this the truth spilling out? Are all my years of frustrations coming to a head? Or am I mad and conjuring up things that shouldn't be that big of a deal? Or maybe misplacing anger? Very hard distinction to make and sometimes I'm just not sure which is which. Just add it to the plethora of reasons that make up my love for writing. Most of the time when I write, I just write, I go, go, go and just let it flow.  THEN I go back and re-read, often times realizing what I wrote doesn't make sense! More often than not, thoughts, feelings, and emotions get swirled around in our good ol heads and the truth of the situation gets lost.  Writing helps me gain that clarity back.

Anyway, I feel it needs to be said that I love my Mom, alot. She is not my best friend, but she is so close to me in a way I can't fathom. Perhaps its because I spent the first 9 months of my existence in her womb. Perhaps its because she raised me and cared for me while my Dad was too busy furthering his career. Perhaps it is because her existence made my existence possible. Perhaps its because she has always been there for me. Perhaps its because she is wonderful. Perhaps it is me that is too hard on her, honestly that's a stretch, but I just hope she knows that I love her despite our differences. I have a hard time reaching out to her because it seems whenever I do she assumes I'm up to something and questions my motives, which in turn makes me feel bad about myself-even tho her assumptions are wrong, which makes me not want to do it anymore. So then I stick with that 'forget it' attitude, then I miss her, then the cycle starts all over.....

Does anyone out there have a less than ideal relationship with their Mom? Maybe some tips that have helped you to overcome?

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